The Mermaid

Cyril Fletcher

On Hastings Beach some time ago
A Boatman by the name of Joe,
Looked up and in amazement saw
A mermaid washed up on the shore.

His eyes bulged as, without delay,
She rose and, shaking off some spray,
Proceeded to remove her tail
And put same in a nearby pail.

Joe was astounded - rubbed his eyes
The mermaid then to his surprise
Said in a foreign voice'Ah, oui
M'sieur, I do not like ze sea'.

And where before her tail had been
A pair of shapely limbs were seen
And Joe said'Gosh! this is a case'
And couldn't look her in the face.

She said to joe'Let's get away,
I'm sick of seeing waves and spray
Like jelly bobbling up and down,
M'sieur let's go and see ze town.'

Joe's blushes met his ginger hair
'Cos mermaids have no clothes to wear.
He rnuttered'I shall get it strong
If the Watch Committee come along.'

Quite a few people stopped to smirk,
A newsboy shouted out,'Nice work.'
Some more collected - quite a jam
And watched them board a Tram.

The tram conductor watched them come
Then said to Joe "ere! nark it chum.
Bring 'er on 'ere - you've got a sauce,
If she's Godiva, fetch an 'orse.'

Joe said to him quiet as can be,
'She's just a mermaid from the sea,'
And the tram-man said 'Oh! Yes, Old Bean
And what are you - the Fairy Queen?'

A policeman quickly hove in view
Took out his book, said 'What's to do'
And the mermaid laughed and said,'l guess
I love your English policemen, yes'.

Sad to relate this copper brave
Fell for her charms, became her slave
So she left poor Joseph in the lurch
And married the cop in Hastings Church.

All that was left then was Joe's pail
Containing her discarded tail.
And he, sore at being left so flat,
Gave it to the lodger's cat.

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