Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either - just bugger off and leave me alone.
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It's always darkest just before the dawn.
So if you're going to nick your neighbour's milk, that's the time to do it.
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Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
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It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
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Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away. And you have their shoes.
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If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit by a canal and drink beer all day.
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If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth the £20.
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Some days you are the insect, some days you are the windscreen.
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Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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Never squat with your spurs on.