We
proudly pesent the Stella Awards, named after Stella Leibeck
who suffered third degree burns to her legs, groin and buttocks
after spilling a cup of McDonalds coffee on herself. She was
driving at the time. Celebrate, if you will, America's most
frivolous lawsuits:
1. Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780,000
by a jury after breaking her ankle falling over a child who
was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were
surprised by the verdict, considering that the misbehaving
little brat was Mrs Robertson's son.
2. Nineteen year old Carl Truman of LA won $74,000 and medical
expenses when his neighbour ran over his hand in a Honda Accord.
Mr.Truman hadn't noticed that there was anyone at the wheel
of the vehicle before trying to steal the hub-caps.
3. Terrence Dickinson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving
a house he has just finished robbing by way of the garage.
He was unable to open the garage door from inside, and the
door back into the house had locked shut behind him. The house
owners were on vacation. Mr Dickinson found himself locked
in the garage for eight days with just two bottle of Pepsi
and a bag of dog biscuits to live on. He sued the homeowner,
and received half a million dollars for undue mental anguish.
4. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500
and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by
a beagle. The beagle was chained up in it's owners yard. The
award was a little less than first thought, given that the
jury agreed that Mr Williams had provoked the dog by shooting
it repeatedly with an air gun.
5. A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson
of Lancaster $113,000 after she slipped on a soft drink and
broke her coccyx. The beverage was only on the floor because
Ms Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier
during an argument.
6. Kara Walton of Delaware successfully sued the owner of
a night club after she fell from the bathroom window and knocked
out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms Walton was
trying to sneak out and avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge.
She was awarded $12, 000 and dental expenses.
But, the undoubted winner is Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma who
purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. Upon leaving
the dealership, he pulled onto the freeway, set the cruise
control at 70mph and calmly made his way into the back to
make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the vehicle
left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr Grazinski sued
Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't
actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 and a new motor
home. Winnebago actually changed their handbooks in case another
complete moron decided to buy one of their vehicles. |
